wow man.. it has been quite long since the last blog i post..
i think about 2-3months..?
things which happened in the past period has been hidden at a deep corner inside my brain..
but the incident which happened few days ago.. it's still fresh in my mind..
Survivors Camp.. 生活营。。。路难行。。。 努力拼。。。一定赢。。。
tat's our camp "slogan"...
haha..
it was a fun camp to go.. learned much.. changed much.. got touched..
but i still need to know more n' learn more..
knowing GOD is not a trend..
is a faith.. a chance to let u know more about life..
i'm frank to say tat i don know much about GOD..
why did he create us.. why this n' that.. there're still pieces of puzzles tat r still missing..
i really need to know more about HIM..
in the past i talk bad stuffs about HIM.. sometimes..
cox i don really know HIM.. HE's boring.. blabla..
tat's why i need to understand more..
in the camp.. the first day.. there're ppl crying.. me, haha.. ntg...
its kinda weird u know.. even today.. i still cant feel it.. "cox i went to another camp yesterday"..
they're crying.. i'm there just praying so tat GOD can let me feel wat they feel..
"GOD pls let me feel wat they feel.."..
bac to the Survivor Camp..
i cried on the 2nd day..
cox i had been through wat the IPs had said..
it was the first time i dare to walk to the front of the stage..
n' i cried.. then i hugged one of the IPs..
but the most comfort thing to me is.. there's 1 friend which i know him just 1 day..
he came down for me.. and put his hand on my shoulder..
it was a big comfort for me.. the feeling is weird to be frank..
he's such a great friend.. i just know him for a few hours.. n' he supports me..
ok.. then then.. something about I LOVE YOU..
tell ur parents tat you loved them..
i said.. tat day parents got happy.. then now..??
i'm bac again.. haih.. why.. but still got improve la..
just tat mum's words i always can get into mind.. haih..
then skip.. we played survivor games.. dodge ball.. etc..
my team got the 1st for dodge ball.. n' our team's average age r the smallest of the others..
haha.. after all the games.. till the last day.. we got the 1st.. :D
muahaha.. first time le..
my leader cried.. wow.. he was so touched when we got 1st place on the dodge ball.. n' the prize giving..
i dunno wat to post for now.. maybe i'll post others some other time la..
NOTE: my other time may be a few months later.. :P haha..
if u wanna check out my photos.. pls go to my FB.. thx.. :P
oh yea.. went to the camp yesterday..
okok la.. not to say not fun.. but it's ok..
learned why r u here lo.. SQ lessons..
yea.. bac to the prayer i prayed.. GOD maybe heard it..
cox SQ lessons is a lesson which let u understand GOD..
why r u here.. why this and that..
yea.. n' today this morning.. i dreamed a lot of dreams..
i dreamed i scolded my family.. one by one.. dream by dream..
weird huh.. n' then i woke up n' sleep again.. waiting for some1 to fetch me..
then i set the arlam on 11am.. 11.15am.. 11.30am.. 11.45am..
each of these 3 15mins.. i dreamed different dream..
but i just rmb'ed the 2nd 1.. which is from 11.15 to 11.30..
i dreamed there was ppl wif me.. quite a few..
then we're at a cave i think..
we're at the middle.. at one of the side was boards which withstands the water behind it..
then the board collapsed.. water flood in.. i don know how to swim.."even in reality"..
but others know.. then the water was gone.. n' the board was there again..
maybe it's something like an apocalypse.. then we go to the other side of the cave..??
the others was opposite.. but me i need to take my bagpack.. then i ran bac n' took it..
then i took 2 of my booster.. n' i rmb i took 1 holy bible on my hand..
weird again.. then there's 1 guy or girl was taking something too..
then another guy stood on something n' like sacrificing himself to save us..
there's something on top to press.. i tried to press it wif lots of things in my hand..
but then i didnt.. me n' the other guy/girl ran to the other side..
n' after we reached.. the water flood in.. the guy sacrificed i think..
dunno wat's this dream is about.. maybe a tsunami is coming..?

my prayer for now..
GOD pls let me know you more.. i dunno why r they crying.. could u let me feel wat they feel.. i'm sorry i did lots of wrong things.. i'm sry.. i don know wat can i do to my life now.. pls GOD.. let me know my way.. my path.. thx GOD.. AMEN..

hehe... 1 Sept.. :p

a long time didnt post again..
i think its about 1 week or 2...
will try telling all my stories the past weeks...
lets start from today first...
k.. today was the 1st day of term4??
then went skul.. boring.. boring.. boring..
didnt do anything much.. but kept thinking tat if i hav money..
how m i going to decorate the room...
think lots of crazy stuffs.. buying mac book.. sofa - extend bed.. coffee table.. rack.. study table which cost a thousand or more.. shoes.. bags.. haha.. just living in me "Imagination"..
like doing tat.. imagine my future which wont come true..
but it lies on ur mind.. as ur second life..
skul over.. walk bac home..
watched AXN: The Amazing Race.. COOL!!!
i wanna join man..
then went on sleeping..
when i was awake.. dad was watching Star Movies...
n' the movie is called Under The Same Moon..

cute guy.. wish i was him.. :(

a French movie i think.. not much English spoken in tat movie..
quite a nice movie.. quite touched.. :P

then now.. doing nothing..

--------------------------------------------
yesterday...
forgot wat happened yesterday..
but i rmb at midnight.. i was rushing the maths coursework..
the report is quite ok for me..
but teacher say tat the report got my expression inside.. as in like ":P"
then he say i act cute in the report.. LOL.. shit him la..
tat's for yesterday...

for last week.. which is holiday..
post the birthday thingy right...
then on Tuesday.. bro brought me to cinema wif his gf's cousins n' aunt nilai's children..
we watched Up..
i wanted to watch in 3D but they don wanna.. :(
i think tat its a nice movie..
but others say tat its lame..
it's totally not true..
quite touched for me.. :)
the chinese boy.. cute...
the old guy.. sad.. :)

after the movie.. i'll state briefly..
went bac home.. then went to aunt nilai's house at night..
stay there for a few days.. went climbing mountain.. mahjong the whole day.. cards..
quite ok staying there.. but its kinda boring..
but its boring at home too..
but there r 2 naughty kids there.. so can teman me lo.. haha.. :P
then on Sunday went bac home.. finished.. :P
will post the view when i was on the peak of the mountain..
n' some of the funny stuff happen to me.. :P

first mountain.. 2 tiny ant human.. :Pforest mountain..down...going to rain man.. :(cool...boring day on holiday.. playing bricks??all 7 sisters together.. :P

haha.. aunt.. :P

almost a month.. :P

finally i'm posting again...
almost 1 month...
i still rmb sis called me to post my blog so she can know wat i'm doing.. :P
*haha.. sis.. posting ald la..*

ok.. lets talk about yesterday 1st...
yesterday went to pyramid at 11.oo... - celebrate friend's birthday - Joy
reach there by 11.30 (bus)
then went to meet my 2 friends.. Megan n' Kylene..
went bookstore to buy thing to hold her birthday card which is made by a stack of paper.. :P
then went to Wendy's and hav our lunch...
wow.. my lunch was damn expensive.. RM20.. :P
i ordered the biggest burger.. i think?? then a large set...
damn full.. but didnt finish the fries...
waited there for 2 hours till the 2 couple arrive..
i think we wait till 1.15pm... the 2 popo n' gonggong only arrive..
then give present lo..
then movie at 2 lo..
then the birthday girl ask wat movie we watching..
then i just saw the screen.. - a scary movie..
we acted cool.. then the music like so support our lying.. :P
then the screen of the cinema just show "G.I. Joe"...
she was like u all ar.. u ar... haha..
then after movie we separated.. or else become light bulb meh..
then we 3 walk lo.. no where to go ma walk all around the complex..
then WWF thingy.. say save our turtles..
we signed it.. then give "Ninja-Turtle" stickers.. :P
haha.. then about 5.30 we was at Mini Toon??
then i saw myself in the mirrow..
it was ugly.. then i was like acting tat i need to go..
then i ma quickly use the paper tat i got from the WWF n' walk away lo..
so pai seh... :P
then i walk out from the building waiting for bus..
waited around 10-15 mins...
no bus arrived.. then i ma walk lo..
cox think tat why are u wasting time..
u can walk n' wait wat.. then i started to walk..
then i found out tat the jam is becox the 2 police there..
simply waving here n' there..
then i just walk bac home from sunway lo..
my style was like so awkward stupid la..
cox when i was walking my hand was like using the paper to block the sun..
i ma like acting cool.. n' put the paper in front of me.. :P
haha..

i used about 1.15hour to reach home..
quite fun la..
then before tat 5min.. i called bac to call maid to cook 3 eggs.. :P
after reaching home.. went eat..
then tat time is ald around 7.10..
then 7.20 aunty came n' fetch me to the healing thingy..
*actually mum's going 1.. but she say got meeting.. :(
then went there.. felt scary at the 1st place..
then ok..
its not a church.. is just u tell them wat happen..
then they'll pray for u lo..
i waited about 1 hours only my turn..
then i told the "brother" everything about me..
things tat i didnt tell any1 before..
a damn secret kept inside me..
i was thinking tat i'm in there..
i don wanna lie.. i wanna be honest..
tell everything tat seemed kinda bug me...
*the "brother" is not a pastor..
before i tell the "brother".. i was thinking tat i'm full with sins..
bad sins.. after telling.. then he was like tat's ok..
ur sins is becox the "angel of the demon" don 1 u to come close to GOD"
he say i can c u hav a great ...something.. to GOD...
then after all tat he pray for me...
actually it's like he's my psychiatrist...
it's good... i felt better yesterday..
he save me 2 verse 2 read..
Proverbs Chpt 3 Verse 5,6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not to your own understandings;
in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

a great verse..
some great words..
its really refreshing i think..
just mind refreshing la.. :P
then went back home n' sleep lo..
haha..

yesterday's report finished.. :P haha..
....................................................................................................................................................

day's bac before...

ok.. i went n' dye my hair..
then life changed twiced..
1st is last week's Thursday..
did something very wrong.. really really wrong..
then 2nd life changed was at the healing..
he told me wat's good wat's bad..

then went on the GA Amazing Race...
a games event by a youth church..
just went there once..
then the game was ok..
but very tired.. just think as if it's traning our body lo..
ran over the whole PJ..
went Jaya 1 get clue.. then go bridge.. the give out flyers.. then go Kelaana Jaya.. then go here go there... tired o.. non-stop running... 3-4 hours..
but get 6th place out of 36 la...
ok la.. but the thing when i rmb the 1st clue..
if we didnt waste time finidng for 1st clue.. we'll sure be in top 3 i think..
but nvm la.. : )

then about father lo..
told sis.. just now told 2nd bro..
like tat lo..
then i think no more ald.. :P
blog next time again la.. :P
btw.. i always watch movie in the month..
cant concentrate on study la..
hope after the healing.. supernatural will come.. : )
bye my bloggie.. :P

stress again..

exams over..
felt free after the last test..
but stress after skul tat day..
coz i went dyeing my hair tat day..
my 1st dyeing experience... brown colour..
shines when light reaches it..
i told sis about it...
i tot sis will be mad at me..
but not.. she told me tat it's ok.. u hav to accept it since i've done it..
but when i told mum.. got scolded lyk shit..

just know tat sis still havent dump her bf yet today.. :P
so "sui" 1 la her.. :P
haha..
after exam ntg to do...
but study lo.. then mum is lyk u go tidy ur place..
why havent tidy yet.. blablabla..
haizz..

my exam is kinda ok la..
but a few nop..
i got chemist for 26/30 but not sure yet coz teacher say maybe need deduct marks...
physic 28/30 :P
others dunno yet...
maths... Fail
english... Fail
biology... Fail/Pass
history... Fail Fail Fail
geography... Fail

haizz.. :P
dunno wat to post today..
stress for the whole week..
but now ok d.. :)
bye bloggie.. :)

stress..

i'm so damn stress now...
firstly.. i look ugly n' mature...
this has make me loss my confidence to talk to people..
i look more more more mature than my actual age..
people who r 18 or 20 looks more young n' handsome than me..
why do i need to suffer this pain.. this invincible suffering...
secondly.. i cant study...
my brain seem to be corrupted..
when i'm reading something to my mind..
there'll be a feeling tat many stuff is blocking me..
many other stuffs starting to annoy me in the brain making me cant concentrate..
i hav this before a few years ago...
whenever i saw or pass through a cemetery... my brain will act corrupted again..
my brain will start scolding out bad words... n' i cant control it..
but i always repeat sorry.. sorry... sorry.. again n' again in my brain...
then finally last year if i'm not wrong..
i found out a cure..
but it's tat i block my readings...
its really weird to explain but i'll try to..
its lyk i can block the stuff going into my brain of thinking..
its like a force pushing out the words out of my brain..
maybe its bcoz of this tat had affected my brain to think normally..
its just this year tat my brain acting tat way..
i cant think normally.. i cant read...
i'm very pressure now..
my family.. annoying me... their voice make me hav the invincible suffering..
my face... which looks more mather.. n' ugly looking... make me don dare to communicate wif others..
my brain tat had corrupted.. cant think normally.. especially in exams time...
this make me wanna die...
everytime i hav to keep all the suffer inside of me..
when u got suffering.. u'll feel like there's a big amount of gas in ur chest..
n' u wanna make it out by hitting stuffs..
but i cant.. i hav to keep it.. keep it.. n' keep it..
but i really wanna hit the glass... throw stuffs, scream... shout..
but i cant.. i'm very very stress..
i hope that i really gone crazy..
my brother... scolding me.. annoy me..
everyone in my family annoys me..
but i cant fight them over..
coz i know i'll lose.. i'll hav to keep all the suffer inside me..
arghh....ffffffffff.............
i really suffer much..
i wish i had mental problem...
then i can skip over my life.. don think anything more..
as i'm ald old looking.. ugly.. no use..
tmr i'm having bio n' chemist test..
n' i cant rmb a thing...
my memories r also very bad..
i cant rmb clearly wat i've done the day b'fore..
:(

no topic.. :P

sorry again bloggie...
i think it had been almost a month i didnt blog..
i was too lazy to blog.. :P
having exams starting from tomorrow..
but didnt seem to study well..
coz my brain is really corrupted...
i cant seem to hav any interest in reading..
wish i was tat 戴阳天 which is a guy aged same as my sis...
but he's a pop-star... actor blabla...
i research about him after i watch this singapore drama series called... 乒乓圆
quite a nice movie... but dont think the ending is quite nice..
the concept is good there... but the guy which is the silent 1...
i waited him to defeat his opponent from the front part till the end part...
but he only start playing at the last 3 episodes...
the ending is just not perfect enough... it could be better...
but it was nice... cool...

after finishing the whole drama in just 3 days i think..
i turn on my television n' saw him in another drama act call " The Little Nyonya"...
now i'm still watching it... bcoz of this movie..
only i started to research on him...
then blablabla... quite admire him... coz when he was young a japanese guy i think..
brought him to Japan n' trained him to be a model..
quite cool huh...

dunno why every pop star tat i researched.. most of them r guys...
like the X-men: Origin... the young wolverine...
i was also quite admire him... a 14 yo singer... actor..
hav a beautiful voice...
not lyk me.. having a ugly 25yo face while i'm only 15..
damn shit man...
so sad about it.. tat's why i was always quiet when i'm out in the society...
i feel embarrass when they c my face... which tat i'm not either handsome nor cute...
i'm so mature.... WHY!!! WHY!!! WHY!!!

i load a few pics of 戴阳天 in the web....
it was lyk i looks 60-70% like him...
but just older... as in i look older than him...
but he's 25 n' i'm 15...
i looks older... WHY can this happen??
but i was quite happy tat i looks a bit lyk him..
but he was surely to be more handsome than me... :P
he's a pop star... who m i??
haiz..

oo..
bac to exams...
dunno wat to do man..
i wasted about 2-3 hours to do my notes..
but it just covered about 2 pgs of 1 of the topics..
arghh...
giving up... i'm so not into study..
but i hav to finish my exam fast..
so tat i could go to Australia.. :P
start my new life...

i was hoping miracle would happen...
since i was young... i wished n' hoped tat i could be a pop star..
but i cant.. look at my face n' u'll c why i cant..
dunno... i just wish i was them... being cool..
hav true cool friends... haiz..
stop it.. :(

till here my blog...
i'll blog some other times..
bye.. :(

sorry me bloggie...

so sorry man...
i was too lazy to blog...
but will tell u wat i rmb...
ok last 2 weeks i think...
our skul hav a carnival...
so we have done the haunted house..
scaring people... people scaring us.. :P
it was quite fun but many thing happens after tat...
we got RM800+ for our earnings...
but the total earnings before cutting out our cost is RM1300...
there's a problem coz my friends can be said tat accidentally molested...
the 2 girls wants to make it to a bigger deal..
but it was just a misunderstanding i think...
but the boy is also very stupid... coz he went in 6 times...
so the girl just think tat he hav a motive.. so...
stupid guy... went in to our haunted house for 6 times...
then parents came... blablabla...
parents came is after 1 week la...
it took 1 week and a few days for the process...
then other things i forget d..
but i still rmb last sat went to friends house n' watch Friday the 13th...
not so scary... not so excited... but ok la...
ntg happen lo...

if i rmb then i post again la..
oh ya.. now i'm back eating kokocrunch 5days ago.. :P
haha... then following my schedule to be fat.. :P
just start today... :P
night la for now..
bye blog... lazy... :P
but regret didnt post so long..
coz all memory all gone... :(